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Why Bad Things Sometimes Make Me Happy

Mar 22, 2022 | šŸ’Ŗ Personal Development

Yesterday was the first day I didnā€™t post my daily article.

It wasnā€™t much of a choice though, because I was shivering from fever for most of the day and my throat hurt like hell. Because yes ā€“ after more than 2 years, it finally happened ā€“ COVID got me too.Ā 

The weird thing was, I didnā€™t feel bad about it. In fact, it even made me a little bit happy šŸ˜…āœŒļø

Reading this, you may think that Iā€™ve gone mad. Well, who knows. COVID is known to affect the brain in ways we canā€™t fully understand yet. But to be fair, itā€™s not the first time this weird feeling of happiness struck when something bad happened to me.

For example, not too long ago my laptop suddenly stopped working. I couldnā€™t get any of my scheduled work done for over a weekā€¦ and the same thing happened: I felt happy. Grateful even. At the time, I was still sharing weekly updates on our online KREW platform and I made a short video about my experience.

Now that it happened again, I thought I should explore this feeling of happiness when bad things happen to me in more detail. Both to reflect on why I feel this way, but also to help others deal with their ā€œbadā€ situations better.

Taking a stoic perspective šŸŖØšŸŒŠ

As you can hear me explain in the video, I somehow find joy in figuring out solutions to problems that occur outside of my control.

ā€œGrant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.ā€ ā€“ Reinhold Niebuhr

This perspective of accepting the things you cannot change and focusing on the things you can is rooted in the ancient philosophy of Stoicism.

Stoicism is a philosophy thatā€™s based on the idea that your mind determines your perceptions ā€“ and your mind can be trained. In this sense, itā€™s never your external world that is the problem, but rather your internal world.Ā 

In his book The Obstacle is the Way, Ryan Holiday explains that natural events, other peopleā€™s choices and actions, sickness, death and ups and downs in the economy are all external factors. Your emotions, judgments, attitudes, responses, reactions and decisions, on the other handā€¦ these are all internal ā€“ within your control.Ā 

So when it comes to my laptop breaking down or me becoming ill, these are both things outside of my control. I can either choose to feel bad about them or I can choose to direct that energy elsewhere ā€“ to something more progressive.Ā 

This was my exact thought process in both instances

1ļøāƒ£ “OK, so this happened” (acceptance)
2ļøāƒ£ “What do I need to do now?” (minimising further potential negative effects)
3ļøāƒ£ “What can I do now?” (maximising my current opportunities)

I didnā€™t feel bad emotionally, which was easy for me in these cases. These things were fully outside of my control anyway. Why would I feel bad about them?

I might feel differently when Iā€™d feel something was actually my fault, but even then: what happened, happened. It is outside of my control at that time. My energy would be better directed at something that I can change from that point on.

ā€œThere is no good or bad without us, there is only perception. There is the event itself and the story we tell ourselves about what it means. That’s a thought that changes everything, doesn’t it?ā€ ā€“ Ryan Holiday

A word of caution āš ļø

As I was writing about Stoicism in relation to the ā€œbad thingsā€ happening in my life, I felt like there was still something missing.Ā 

Like this was only 80% of the explanation of why I felt happy.

The other 20% is a little trickier. It comes disguised as different things. Itā€™s harder to grasp. We may think of it as Stoicism, while in reality itā€™s something else. Something darker. You may know it as procrastination. Or fear. Or, as Steven Pressfield would describe it: Resistance.Ā 

In The Art of War, Steven explains that Resistance is what keeps us from sitting down and doing our best work.Ā 

So, if my laptop breaks down or if I get ill, I could simply feel happy because I donā€™t have to sit down and do my work. I get a free pass to procrastinate. Of course, that isnā€™t what Iā€™d tell myself. Iā€™d tell myself things like: ā€˜now that Iā€™m ill, all Iā€™m able to do is this fun task. Iā€™m not capable of doing anything more serious, which requires more focusā€™.

While that may be true, it may also be a form of Resistance ā€“ disguised as logic, or reason šŸ„·

It can be hard to know for sure whatā€™s happening. Like, when my laptop broke down, I read a lot more books than I normally would. I spent more time meditating and visualising my future than before. Was this my way of procrastinating? Or was this what I needed most to do my best work at that time?Ā 

Even now, itā€™s hard to know for sure.Ā 

What matters is that I did what I believed was best in that situation at that time. And that, even if I do notice myself giving in to Resistance, I can follow the same three steps as I did when my laptop broke down or when I got COVID.Ā 

Failure is part of the road to success anyway. All we can do is try to be a little bit better every time.Ā 

Letā€™s make the most of now ā°šŸ’Ŗ

I hope this article will help you turn some of your negative experiences into positive ones.Ā 

To me, the most positive result from falling ill these days is getting a reminder that my life is limited. That my body is. Iā€™m one of the lucky few who couldnā€™t remember the last time he was ill before now, so Iā€™m grateful that I got confronted with a body that didnā€™t function properly. At some point it will stop functioning completely.

In other words: this experience reminded me to spend my time in the best way possible.Ā 

ā€œMemento moriā€, remember that you must die, is how many of my fellow entrepreneurs would rephrase this feeling. Just like I wrote about before, after watching the movie Tick, Tickā€¦ BOOM!

The ability to take a stoic perspective and being aware of my inner Resistance ā€“ the silent assassin ā€“ are both great instruments to help me spend my time better. To make the most now.Ā 

Even on the ā€œbadā€ days.Ā 

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